Discernment….When I got it wrong

 Oh how I got it wrong over and over again

There are times when we are fully capable of judging a situation well, however we DON’T because we are looking at the situation through a set of rose-colored lenses.

There was a time when I was really happy in all areas of my life except my relationship status. I had subscribed to a total of 3 online dating sites. Yes, 3! One site was a paid subscription, one site was free and the other site was a gift (I will tell you all about that in another post, LOL!). I had subscribed to multiple dating sites in hopes of meeting a decent guy who was looking for similar qualities that I was looking for at the time. I found that the ONLY thing I had in common with most of those men on the dating sites was, WE ALL HAD PROFILES ON OTHER SITES LOL!  Related image        I mean, it was like I paid for a subscription to see the same faces as I saw on every other site. That really sucked!

I was very exhausted from dating and was about to delete all of my profiles but then I met this guy. He was sweet, funny, attentive and sexy!  He absolutely adored me and I absolutely adored him. I remember telling ALL of my friends about him! WAIT, why do we tell way too much way too soon?!?!  SMH! Anyway, I told too much because I was excited about him. FINALLY, I found a guy that matched what I was looking for.

 This is when I started to wear those rose-colored glasses  Rose colored glasses

One of our first dates was very simple, but so fulfilling. We went to the batting cages. Totally different, yet very fun. Then we got food and talked for hours. What was supposed to be just a lunch date ended up spilling into the evening. We had spent countless hours with each other talking about life, family, career goals and past relationships. I honestly felt that euphoric feeling that I hadn’t felt in oh so long.

Everything was going very well, our bond grew exponentially and this new situation quickly turned into an official relationship. We were only dating for a couple of months before becoming a couple. I didn’t care too much about the time because he was a good catch and so was I. He had a career that he was passionate about, he owned his own home and he was an amazing father and most importantly,  He had a lot of the qualities that I had been looking for at the time.

This guy really did a great job of being a GREAT guy. Almost too good to be true!

Have you ever been in this situation?
The kind of situation when you’d fallen so fast for a person because everything was going so right.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was good. Real good!

He portrayed himself to be a great guy. He presented qualities that other men that I had dated didn’t have. I really appreciated how attentive he was. We talked just about every day, multiple times a day and at night. He definitely was the most attentive guy I’d ever dated, at the time!

Remember how I talked about the RED FLAGS in my last post?! Related image

So here is where things went left….(some of this may be so obvious to you, but wasn’t obvious to me at the time)

It came a time when something very challenging in his life happened that caused him to have to go from a part-time to a full-time parent. I was VERY understanding! This led to us spending less time together, which was expected.  What wasn’t expected was him turning into a completely different person.  All of a sudden he was full of mind games. He would go days without speaking to me. He became very distant, argumentative, short tempered and disrespectful. Things just didn’t seem right, So we broke up! …..Days went by before hearing from him again. He then called to apologize and wanted to get back together. He BEGGED me to get back together and I said yes! (MISTAKE # 1)  I decided to give the relationship another try. WAIT, Mistake #1 was us getting into an official relationship to begin with, but I digress LOL…

There were a few incidences that I chose to ignore because I was very understanding of his situation. He began making broken promises, he wouldn’t call when he said he would…Just to name a few. BUT I understood that when something detrimental happens, you show support and don’t leave a person when they are at their lowest point. Unfortunately for me, he became so different that I barely recognized him. It was almost like he was hiding something (i.e. another relationship Image result for emoji eyes) and decided that he would act out of character instead of just breaking up with me, which he ended up doing eventually.  Whatever the reasoning was, there were definitely red flags all over this “relationship”.

CLEARLY there was a problem!

See, the problem was ME. Yup, I admit it, it was me.  It was him too, but it was also me. I had decided to date him even after he told me that he believed in God, but wasn’t a “subscriber” to Christianity or any other religion. (MISTAKE # 2) I definitely got way ahead of myself with him. I ignored who he initially presented himself to be.  With time, he showed himself to be a totally different person. What I failed to do was exercise that great gift of Discernment that God gives us. The GREAT gift of Discernment that God had been giving me that entire time I was in that relationship.

I failed on so many levels!!! And I ignored so many RED FLAGS. He lived about an hour away from me. I ignored him only wanting to meet me half-way or on my side of town, but never in his side of town(MISTAKE # 3) There were other things too! In hindsight, I recognize how much God was showing me. I missed it, I failed at discernment!  I didn’t give him the opportunity to be exactly who he was before I decided to be in a relationship with him. I was so stuck on his representative, that I kept ignoring who he really was. (sigh)

I know I am not the only person who failed at discernment

God had given me many hints. Unfortunately, discernment was an area where I stumbled.

Have you ever had the feeling that something didn’t seem right about a person and was a little off?

Have you ever felt an unsettling feeling about a decision you made or maybe a relationship you were in?

                     DISCERNMENT IS SO IMPORTANT 

Discernment is the ability to judge well.  It is the precise direction and understanding we don’t always have on our own. It is the capacity to have insight and wisdom that goes past what is only seen or only heard. It is God’s gift to us! DO NOT IGNORE IT.  You will save yourself a lot of time and heartache if you just use that gift. 

I was LOST, and When you are lost you miss out on the hints that God gives you AND you lack understanding for why certain things are happening.  

I hope you enjoyed this post. Until next time…


        Leigh C

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May 20, 2016 10:30 am

This was an amazing post and something I have been telling myself and other people for years. Besides patience, Discernment is what I pray for more than anything else.
Thank you for this.

Bella Grace
May 16, 2016 6:52 am

Thank you for sharing what discernment is about and what it looks like. Continue to inspire more women to stand with their truth and be themselves.

May 14, 2016 7:37 am

Good stuff Leigh. Discernment is a powerful gift. Thanks for the reminder.