If you read my last blog “Single, Saved & Satisfied” you may be thinking, “Leigh, how did you just write about being single & satisfied and now you’re writing about not having a man?!” I know! I know! But this post is to encourage all those who are single but may not be as satisfied.
–If you are single and have been “woke” in the last couple of years then you probably have seen the countless “how to prepare for your future mate” webinars, fb lives, blogs,events etc. It seems like there is a different one every month. This information is amazing and very necessary, don’t get me wrong, but subscribing to EVERY “how to be a perfect wife” webinar may cause one to focus entirely too much on getting married to the point of making it an idol.
And God does NOT want you to make an idol out of marriage.
Recently I got this question in the “Ask Leigh” section,
How can I be content as a single but be expectantly waiting for my future husband? and what do I do while I wait?
First let’s talk about what I believe being content as a single is.
Being content as a single should mean you are satisfied with who you are and are great being by yourself. It means that you are whole! It should also mean that you don’t wait to live your #bestlife until Mr.Right comes along, instead you have fun, go out and do everything you want to do. It means you know who you are and what you have to offer so you don’t settle for just anyone and anything because you know your value. It means not thinking “I hope I meet my husband tonight” every time you go out. It means that you are comfortable in the skin you’re in and don’t apologize for it!
Now, let’s talk about expectantly waiting for your future husband
Expectantly is defined as having: an excited feeling that something is about to happen, especially something good
Waiting is defined
WAIT A MINUTE! How can we be “expectantly waiting” in excitement for something to happen but be in a state of delay and no movement until what we are expecting actually happens?!
That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever or does it?
I looked up another definition of waiting because I knew this had to make sense somehow.
As we know, “Waiting” comes from the word “wait”. One of the definitions of “wait” is to remain in readiness for some purpose and it’s used to indicate that one is eagerly impatient to do something or for something to happen.
Seems to me, in order to be expectantly “waiting” their future husband, one must be READY and prepared.
What does preparation look like? and What can you do while you wait?
Below are some ways you can prepare yourself BEFORE your future spouse comes:
1. What is your purpose?- I know these are the times when everyone is talking about “walking in their purpose” but really, What is your purpose?
Who are you helping? What problems are you solving? How do you impact your community? How do you contribute to the kingdom of God?
The more sure you are of your purpose the less likely you’ll have an identity crisis when you are with future bae. Do you think bae is going to want to be married to someone who doesn’t know who they are and what they’re here to do?
2. Mental Health Is Self Care- Please make your mental health a priority! There’s nothing wrong with going to a therapist. It’s not healthy to look for another person to fill our voids but it is healthy to seek out ways to ensure we are healed from the brokenness of our past and/or present. While you are single, you should be in a relationship with healing (Bashea Williams). Making your mental health a priority should not stop once you are no longer single,
3. Develop a healthier lifestyle-In addition to making your mental health a priority, you can learn how to develop a healthier lifestyle overall. Try a new cycle or fitness class with some girlfriends!
As a nurse, I know that many illnesses can be prevented just by modifying your eating and exercising regularly. This isn’t all about looking good on the outside, but more about being good on the inside of our bodies. It’s important to not bring all of our preventable health issues into our future.
4. Get your finances in order-truth is there’s not much you can do without money and you want to be able to add value to your future relationship not be more of a burden.
Do you have a spending problem? What does your credit card bills look like? Are they maxed out, sis? Do you make enough money on that job? Is it time for a career change? Do you have money in your savings account? What is your credit score?
Ok, I think I’m about to bust someone’s bubble with this next comment, bae is not coming to rescue you out of your debt. Over the years, I have heard many women say “If I had a husband then these bills wouldn’t be so bad”. I’m guilty too, sis! I used to say that, but the bills weren’t going anywhere and I still was single so I had to get my financial situation together. Your husband is coming to compliment you, not sponsor you! Don’t wait for bae to come before you get your finances in order!
Your husband is coming to compliment you, not sponsor you!
5. Go to school! Get that degree!- Not only does education increase your knowledge about a subject matter, It also can increase your earning potential.
Leigh, you just told me to get my finances together and now you’re telling me to go to school, do you know that school costs money? Yes, I know school costs money so weigh this according to your financial situation and God’s purpose for your life. Traditional school may not be for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t increase your knowledge on a subject matter through webinars, conferences and other courses that may give certifications.
As you may know, I’m currently in school to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. I honestly can’t imagine waiting until I have a man before I finish school. Honestly, there’s barely enough time to work, study and take care of myself. I couldn’t fathom having to fit a family in that equation. Kudos to all those who have done it or currently doing it.
6. Buy a house-Now that you got your finances in order, you can buy the house you’ve been dreaming of owning. Homeownership is an investment! You have control over your living space! You are no longer a slave to inflated rent! Those are just some of the reasons I decided to purchase my first home.
About a year and a half ago when I moved into my home I had some insecurities about owning my home and not being married. My neighborhood is full of families and couples and I know there aren’t too many single people here. The enemy started to talk to me and wanted me to believe that it would be so hard to find a man now that I have this house. Isn’t that a dumb way to think?
Apparently, I am not the only one who has thought this. I have come across other women who think it would be better to wait until marriage to purchase their first home. Sis, let me tell you something, You do not have to wait!
Let me free you real quick, God won’t bless you with a home and then limit you in relationships. The blessing of the Lord maketh rich and He adds no sorrow with it (Proverbs 10:22). Have faith in knowing that God WILL bring you a man that can handle you, appreciate your accomplishments and will add to your life!
God won’t bless you with a home and then limit you in relationships.
7. Be social- Go out, meet new people, have fun and be social. But Leigh, I don’t have anyone to do things with. Guess what? It is ok to go out by yourself! I know, that’s a shocker LOL! Don’t be that girl that says “I wish I had a man to do XYZ with.” Here is a strategy, simply ask yourself “What do I like to do?” then, GO DO IT! It’s that simple.
Since graduating high school, I have lived in 3 different states and each time I moved I was forced to start over in the friends department because I didn’t move where I knew anyone and all my friends lived out of state. I would always go places by myself and then one day I realized, I met a lot of people along the way just by doing what I enjoy doing.
Your future husband could be at that event you want to go to but you wouldn’t know because you’re afraid to go out by yourself and be social.
–As you can see, there’s so much to do during the single season that you shouldn’t wait to experience. Being content but expectantly waiting looks like you are living your life to the fullest while being ready to meet your future spouse who is also living their life to the fullest.
Spend less time focusing on being a “woman of a certain age” whose “biological clock is ticking” and spend more time on being a woman who is focused on being the best version of herself so that when future husbae meets you he meets you happy, content and whole.
If you have a question that you’d like me to answer in a blog post or video, please submit to “Ask Leigh”
I hope you enjoyed this post. Until next time…
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